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dont sweat the hemorrhaging gland - Perfect Imperfection
May 2009
 
 
 
 
 
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Tue, Nov. 27th, 2007 02:15 am
dont sweat the hemorrhaging gland

haha, its been 132 weeks since my last post. wow, how time flies. so lets see, the last time i posted i was completely enthralled with raini, things were bright, my world seemed to be different. god how the fate has a sick fuckin sense of humor. so now im pulled between every girl that talks to me. why did this shit happen to me? she says its because i wasnt interested enough, that i wasnt romantic enough. and she still has the balls to say "i love you" every time we talk. what the fuck am i supposed to believe. i left my old self behind, changed myself completely. but lately, more and more of my old asshole badass self is coming out, and people are starting to recognize. the only difference between now and four years ago is that i actually care. there are so many girls i see that would benefit tremendously from my influence, but none are willing to take it. i feel so frustrated. here i love a girl who lives thousands of miles away and i still try and foster relationships with girls who are at least 3 years younger than me. what the fuck am i doing? i did this shit in high school because it was still okay. now i just feel like a creep. i watch my friends get wasted and take advantage of these girls... what am i supposed to do? if i were that drunk... would i? i hope not.. god i pray not. im just so sick and tired of trying to play the game. i just want my baby back... but that will never ever fucking happen... nothing will ever be the same as it was... and thast what fucking pisses me off. i just want to freeze time and enjoy shit for once. but the mark of me having a good time is me being able to do mind-altering drugs... and quite honestly, i cant do them... i know ill freak. and for that to be affecting me is very unsettling. FUCK GIRLS. fuck everything about them. if they didnt have the necessary parts i wouldnt even bother with them. but what am i supposed to do now? now that i dont have anyone to share secrets with, anyone to just curl up with, anyone to love? i guess i have cole, and thats good enough for me... at least i know where his loyalties lie, and he cant ever leave me.

fuck this, i might as well be an emo kid...

no, fuck it, i wont do it. i wont let them get me down. none of them... raini, caitlin, natalie... any of them. they dont own me... the only person who owns me is decoy, and its about time that i let that shit take me over again. fuck being nice to people, fuck morals, fuck ethics... yep, thats right, its back after so long... this is the dawning of the age of decoy... fucking deal with it bitches.

-decoy-


Current Mood: pissed off pissed off
Current Music: At the Drive-In - Relationship of Command

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